Researching the effect of trauma
It is projected that people who have experienced trauma are up to seven times more likely to develop chronic health conditions like diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and even cancer.
Trauma is more likely to cause health complications even in people who maintain a healthy diet, stay active, and do not indulge in drugs and alcohol. Young people are more at risk for the effects of trauma specifically because our brains are still developing and will not be fully developed until age 25.
The upside of nepotism?
I know of no clearer way to state my thesis about familial privilege in the church than this: Nepotism is the way of kings, not servants. It is of the world, and sows worldly weeds among the seeds God is planting.
I am sorry
People have been reaching out and asking questions and I urge you to do so as well. I would be honored to hear from you and apologize to you face to face. The Truth sets free! Verbalizing your pain to an understanding heart is a good step toward embodying Truth. I will gladly keep you anonymous and protect your vulnerability if you choose to share with me.
What is an enmeshed family?
Enmeshment is usually repeated inter-generationally. In families with unprocessed trauma or enmeshed roles, children often find themselves repeating the cycle with their own children because that is all they know. Breaking the cycle of enmeshment is hard and painful work.
Spinning Scripture
A method that leaders in a toxic church culture sometimes use to control the narrative is to attack the way in which critical feedback or allegations of wrongdoing are brought to light. This appeal to Scripture sounds right initially. Following the Bible is a good thing—except for when “following the Bible” is actually not following the Bible.
A reflection on homeschooling and abuse
Homeschooling is not inherently abusive. What it is, inherently, is isolating: something that works to the advantage of abusers both inside and outside the family. Children whose education is limited, whose contact with outside communities is cut off, and whose access to basic resources is often constrained by authority figures who are at once parent, teacher, and spiritual leader, become vulnerable targets for abuse.
Black Sharpies
Abusive churches excel at gaslighting us. They make us think that we’re the crazy ones. They keep us off-kilter so that we can’t spot the lies. They keep us feeling uncertain so that we’re easier to control.
The danger of denial
Listening to survivors tell their stories can be uncomfortable, especially if they name abuse that does not seem to align with what you have experienced.
It’s not that bad
When there are child abusers in your midst and the leaders fail to report them, they have basically decided where this sin lands on the spectrum of sinfulness is “not that bad” and have decided to keep their actions and identity secret.
Why we do what we do
At CFCtoo, our first priority is abuse survivors. While we seek to educate people as part of our advocacy, that is secondary to our main work of caring for survivors.
No, you’re not crazy
Abusive churches excel at gaslighting people. They taught you to distrust your own body, your own emotions, and your own sense of reality.
An Open Letter to CFC Members
We write to you as former members of Christian Fellowship Center. Some of us left recently. Some of us left years ago.
We are survivors of abuse at Christian Fellowship Center. We have experienced spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of CFC leaders and members.